One of Spike Milligan's shortest, but most poignant poems reads,

God made night, but man made darkness

I am afraid of the dark.

Night is natural, but the darkness of which he speaks is not. Because we cannot see at night we feel more vulnerable than we do in the day, but when rolling electricity blackouts deprive us of light and police warn that criminal elements which are already rampant are capitalising on the situation, we are plunged into a darkness that evokes our deepest primal fears and insecurities. In that darkness we know that no matter how much money we have, no matter how many weapons we own, no matter how sophisticated our security systems, life is fragile and unpredictable. The inescapable truth is that we are all vulnerable and, no matter how hard we try, some things are just forever outside our control.

'Load shedding', coupled with unacceptable levels of crime, has battered our confidence and we in this country are infected or affected by an all pervasive fear that has triggered the primordial fearfulness that lies at the centre of our very being. It unleashes in us the most primitive and instinctive of reactions: fight or flight. Both reactions spawn a myriad of coping mechanisms that protect us in some way from the threats we face and so enable us to live between the extremes of complete escape (flight - the brain drain and the 'Packing for Perth' brigade) or inhuman violence (fight - eg. road rage and other displaced acts of irrational violence). But ultimately these coping mechanisms are deceptions, often endorsed by society, that create the illusion that we are in control of our lives. With time these coping mechanisms become so deeply entrenched in our lives that the very thought of stripping them away that fuels the age-old dread of vulnerability.

The truth is that no matter how powerful, strong or careful we might be, we will always be vulnerable. Vulnerability is woven into the very weft and warps of our being because nothing can protect us from harm, heal our primal fears or mend our brokenness. Until we acknowledge our vulnerability and face our fear of it we will be obsessed with safety and security. And it may well be that the unintended consequences of our quest to control and secure our lives are isolation, alienation, narcissistic self-absorption, and an erosion of concern for others that ultimately increases the very anxiety that we are seeking to avoid. Our dread of vulnerability that feeds our desperate need always to be in control may ultimately do us far more harm than good.

Vulnerability is not primarily a matter of political, social or economic stability; it is at heart a spiritual matter for it relates to our being created in the image of a God whose own vulnerability is revealed on the cross. The cross is a symbol of something radically new, radically other. It is the visible image of a God who is all powerful, but is crucified in weakness; a God impassable in glory, but manifested in a vulnerability that frees us from the need to fear our own vulnerability. No wonder the gospel tells us: 'Be not afraid!'

Faith does not free us from the vicissitudes of life nor affords us some kind of magical protection from harm. As Kerry Walters in his book, 'Jacob's Hip' says: "… God isn't a place of unassailable security, a divine fallout shelter. God … is ground zero. God is the bull's eye in the target." If God is the bull's eye in the target, the lightening rod that attracts the lightening to itself, then our journey into God is a journey into the radical vulnerability of God and an invitation to embrace our own vulnerability. "When we shy away from Christ's invitation to vulnerability," says Walters, "we become underground creatures who give up sunshine and fresh air for the sake of a false security. We enclose ourselves in subterranean bunkers that may look impregnable from the outside but are dank and suffocating on the inside." It is not that, as Christians, we are invulnerable - in fact, as followers of Christ the opposite may well be especially true - but because we are Christians we can accept and embrace our vulnerability as part of the vulnerability of God, a part of our human condition, and a part of what it means to live by faith.

The choice before us is either to follow Christ in the way of vulnerability or to try and protect ourselves against our human frailty. The protective barriers we erect to save ourselves take many forms, but the most common ones are wealth, power and false spiritualities in which God becomes the ultimate, fail-safe protective barrier. But whatever the form of our protective barriers, they are ways of unbelief, an attempt to avoid the way of the cross. Authentic spirituality is the way of radical dependence on God. It is a letting go of all the false securities of life until that we are able to live in total obedience to the vulnerable God who lives with us in all the frailties and uncertainties of life. Oscar Romero spoke in very uncompromising terms of this spiritual journey of self-detachment or self-forgetfulness:

"The poor person is the one who has been converted to God and puts all his trust in him, and the rich person is one who has not been converted to God and puts his confidence in idols: money, power, material … Our work should be directed towards converting ourselves and all people to this authentic meaning of poverty."

All too often the events of everyday life loom so large in our minds and evoke those primal fears to such an extent that we lose our sense of perspective. The primal fear that evokes the instinct of 'fight' or 'flight' is ultimately an act of faithlessness. God has placed us in this country at this time in its history to be God's agents of healing and transformation. It was the event one day in AD 33 - still remembered as Good Friday - that forever changed the world. And we who are baptised into that death and subsequent resurrection are witnesses to the redemptive love of God revealed in vulnerability; witnesses that God's foolishness is wiser than human wisdom; God's weakness stronger than human strength; and the vulnerability of God, echoed in our own fears, is the only security we will ever know.

In a world of despair we live in hope - "Christ in you the hope of glory" (Col 1:27).

"God made night, but man made darkness

I am afraid of the dark."

"And the light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it."

May our lives shine in the darkness to the glory of God's own vulnerability

+ Brian

Spiritual Formation

Clergy Day: Our next Clergy Day will take place at St Mary's Dobsonville from 09h00-12h30 on Tuesday 1^st April. The topic for the day is "HIV and AIDS" and the Speaker is Canon Desmond Lamprechts.

Clergy Quiet Day: It was good to see so many of you at our last Quiet Day. I look forward to seeing even more of you at our next Diocesan Quiet Day which will be at Bishop's House on Tuesday, 15^th April 2008. Prayer is central to effectiveness in ministry so please plan to make this day a part of your spiritual life.

Clergy Marriage Course: This course will take run from 18h00-20h00 on Sunday evenings beginning on 13^th April. It is a course intended to deepen and enrich your marriage and I encourage you to take quality time for yourself. There are still a few places left. Please book your place now.

Reading Recommendations

Ronald Rolheiser is always worth a read and his latest book, "Secularity and the Gospel," is no exception. It was written as a result of 4 symposia held by the OMI to look at how the Church is losing ground in the secular world and how we could be missionaries to our children, many of whom no longer walk the path of faith. The book contains the texts of some of the talks at those symposia together with his reflections on the subject. It will challenge your own pre-conceptions as well as your practice of ministry. It is a worthwhile read for everyone who is serious about growing the Church.

Vestry 2008

By all accounts, Vestry 2008 was a smooth and peaceful process - a far cry from many of the Vestries of the past. As far as I know, only one parish failed to complete Vestry before the deadline. You are all wonderful people and I am immensely proud of you all, and honoured to be your bishop. Thank you.

Diocesan Conference on Biblical Giving - 12^th 2008

We are hard at work preparing for the Diocesan Conference on Biblical Giving and I hope that it will be a valuable and fruitful day for us all. Please check that all those who are supposed to attend have all the necessary information. I look forward to seeing you all there.

Meeting of Rectors and their Self Supporting Clergy

In the last Ad Clerum I announced the meeting of Rectors and Self-supporting clergy, but despite giving the place and time of the meeting omitted to give the date. I apologise for my stupidity. You should all have received a correction which was sent out within a couple days of the Ad Clerum. The date of the meeting is Saturday 3^rd May and will be held from 08h30-12h30 at St Thomas', Linden. As I said in the last Ad Clerum, it is a meeting of obligation and I look forward to seeing everyone there.

This meeting will lead into the 4 Saturday morning training sessions for self-supporting clergy for 2008 (24^th May; 5^th July; 23^rd August; and 6^th September). These self-supporting clergy trainings are also of obligation.

Farewell to the OHP

Some years back the OHP realised that they would eventually have to hand over their ministry here in South Africa and began looking at a process for handing over their work at St Benedict's. Sister Maureen's illness and her return to England have accelerated the process by more than a year. Sister Erica and Pam will return to St Benedict's at the beginning of April to finalise the hand-over. Many of you will want to be in contact with them and to say your farewells. I encourage you to do so. I just ask that you be sensitive to their needs in what for them is an immensely difficult and painful time.

Two dates are important and I ask you to diarise them now:

A Day of Prayerful Discernment will be held at St Benedict's from 09h00-18h00 on Tuesday, 8^th April 2008. The purpose of this day is to seek to hear and discern what God is saying to us in respect of St Benedict's and how God wants us to proceed with its work. This is an important day and I encourage as many of you as possible to be there. You are all welcome to take part in this event; just contact Helga on 011 435 3662 to register and to receive a copy of the prayer guidelines for preparation. Those who are unable to attend are asked to participate in a process of guided prayer, the details of which Michelle Pilet handed to all clergy present at the service for the Renewal of Vows last week. (Contact Michelle Pilet on 011 880 8570).

The second date is Saturday 10^th May when there will be a Farewell Eucharist for the OHP. This will take place in St Peter's Priory Church (St Martin's School) Rosettenville at 14h30.

Family News

Provincial News:

• Please pray for Thabo Makgoba as he leads his first Episcopal Synod from prepares for his installation as Archbishop on 30th March. Please keep the family in your prayers as they adjust to their new life in Cape Town.

• Sarah Breytenbach, wife of Bishop Martin, has successfully undergone surgery and is back at home. Please pray for her ongoing healing.

• Sister Maureen is back at the Priory in Whitby after a horrendous return journey. She is very frail and weakening rapidly. She was recently admitted to hospital with a broken collar bone (a result of the cancer in her bones). Please keep her and all the OHP community in your prayers at this time.

Diocesan News:

• Tim Gray has been invited to represent the diocese and province at an International Conference on Ecological Theology and Environmental Ethics to be held on the island of Malta from 2^nd to 6^th June 2008.

• Stephen Ratshefola has been in hospital and recently underwent stomach surgery. He is now out of hospital and recovering at home. Please pray for him and Patricia at this time.

• I don't know whether it is something in the air at Carletonville, but Joe Maboe was also admitted to hospital for emergency stomach surgery. At the time of writing he is still in hospital, although expecting to be discharged at any moment. Sadly Joe's younger sister, Eleanor Sekano, also passed away earlier this month so please keep Joe and his family in your prayers.

• Stephen Damien-Walker is back in hospital for further cardiac surgery. Please keep him in your prayers.

• It is with sadness that I must report that, following a disciplinary hearing, Thembi Maseko has had her licence as a deacon revoked and will not be eligible for reinstatement until such time as she fulfils the requirements laid down for her by the Ministry Formation Portfolio. Until then she may not exercise any ministry, not wear clerical garb, nor present herself as a clergyperson to others. Please keep her in your prayers in what is for her a very painful time.

• The Ntsoelengoe family would like to thank everyone for their faithful and earnest prayers during the time that Rantopo Ntsoelengoe was in hospital for an eye operation. Rantopo is doing well and recuperating at home.

• Bikitsha Njumbuxa's son, Scott will be getting married to Lele Ledwaba at 10h00 at Christ the King Coronationville on Saturday 19^th April. All are welcome to attend. We wish the whole family joy and blessings on this wonderful occasion.

• Bikitsha Njumbuxa also extends an invitation to everyone to attend his Retirement Farewell on Thursday, 1^st May 2008 at Christ the King Coronationville at 10h00.

Dates for Diary

April

May

Moves, Appointments and Vacancies

• Mpho Chaane has been made rector of St Peter's, Krugersdorp. The Parish of St John's, Roodepoort graciously released him so that he could begin ministry in Krugersdorp in time for Holy Week and Easter. Please pray for Precious and the children as they play 'catch-up' with the suddenness of their move. Pray for them all in this new ministry.

• Japé Heath has resigned from the diocese and ANERELA (where he was its General Secretary) to take up an appointment with INERELA, the international wing of ANERELA. His appointment is with effect from 1^st April, so he will sadly already be in England by the time you receive this notification. We wish him every blessing in his new ministry.

• Nigel Mollink retires as rector of St Peter's, Auckland Park at the end of April. Nigel and Wendy have been valued members of our diocesan ministry team and we are sorry to see them go. Nigel intends taking a sabbatical for the first few months, but has indicated that he would then love to continue ministry as an assistant somewhere. We thank them for their ministry and wish them every blessing in what does not sound too much like a retirement.

Birthdays And Anniversaries:

Please remember the following persons in your prayers as they celebrate birthdays and anniversaries in the coming months:

General Notices

• The Sunday Morning Radio Broadcast Service: Will be broadcast on Sunday 27^th April 2008 from the Parish of St Faith's, Durban. The Rector is the Revd Joseph Gumede.

• Emergency Planning in Churches: The second part of the course which is being presented by Jenny Clarke will be held at St Luke's, Orchards on Saturday 10^th May 2008. The closing date for applications is 2^nd May 2008. Times are 09h00 - 16h00. The cost of R100.00 per person covers documentation, light refreshments and certification. This is a good opportunity for those clergy who completed the first part of the course on a previous occasion, and were not able to get to the second part, to complete their training. Please contact Revd Allan Williams on 011 728 7015 for further details.

• Post-Ordination Skills Training: The programme for 2008 is as follows:

May 17 Eucharist

1^st Communion, varieties, problems, questions

June 21 Baptism, Confirmation

Bring notes already using

July 19 Death & Dying - trip to undertakers

Hospice, anointing

Sept 20 Marriage

Priests to have applied for Marriage Officer's Licence (Saras)

Oct 18 Confession, exorcism (un-holy ghosts)

Nov 22 Deacon vs priest and self-supporting vs stipendiary

Venue: St Margaret's, 9 Harper Road, Bedfordview. Time: 09h00 to ±16h00. Bring & Share lunch. For more information contact Revd Patricia Lane. 011 455 4449.

• Bishop's Meeting with Wardens: The Bishop's meeting with churchwardens that was scheduled to be held on Saturday, 19^th April 2008 has been cancelled. The meeting will now take place from 08h30-12h30 on Saturday, 10^th May at St James', Diepkloof. Please make sure that your churchwardens are advised of this new arrangement.

• Holy Cross Alpha Course: The Alpha Course for 2008 will be starting at Holy Cross, Orlando West (next to Hector Pieterson Museum) on Saturday, 5^th April from 14h00 - 16h00 and will run for the following ten weeks thereafter. For further details contact: 011 936 1394.

• Diocesan Young People's Portfolio (DYPP): The next DYPP meeting will be held on Saturday, 19^th April at St Mary's Cathedral starting at 14h00. For further details contact Linda at the Diocesan Office at (011) 336-8724.

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